As gender roles and expectations shift, the question of who should pay for dates continues to stir debate.
This is a regular gender war topic on the streets of Twitter. LOL.
Is it still the man’s responsibility, or should the costs be shared? Should traditional norms still hold, or is it time for a more equal approach? How far does your “feminism” extend? Does it stop at the door once bills are involved?
Here’s what HH People had to say:
Question 1: Footing the Bill – Should the Guy or the Lady Pay?
- Akindamola from Heirs Holdings: I think it’s normal for most guys to want to foot the bill on dates, but I would say, the person who initiated the date should be the one paying. Of course, it’s almost always the guy initiating. Now, if the date was a mutual idea, for me, I would still like to make the payment rather than split the bill. I won’t say no if she decides to though.
- Dele from Afriland Properties: Well, it’s actually dependent on the nature of the relationship. In some relationships, the guy pays all the time. However, in some, the initiator of the outing (irrespective of gender) pays.
- A Gen Z from Heirs Holdings: As a woman, I’m not splitting any bill please! In all this patriarchy I should now split? Even if I like him, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is he likes me and if he likes me, he shouldn’t ask me to split anything.
- Nurudeen from Heirs Insurance Brokers: I don’t believe in splitting bills, so for me, the guy should always pay. A guy should always pay but if the Lady willingly offers to pay then no wahala.
- Emiko from Heirs Energies: If it’s on a first-time basis. It’s not on either of them to take up the whole bill. But if the guy foots it, it’s fine. But the babe also should order what she could pay for.
- • Sylvia from RedTech: In the context of marriage, both parties should pay. However, it should not be equal. The guy should pay more except the lady earns more or the guy is going through difficulty at a particular time. In a marriage, providing for the family naturally gives the guy a sense of ownership of his home but does not leave the same feeling for the lady who may feel more fulfilled in other household activities.
- Anonymous from Heirs Holdings: It depends. If the guy is the one inviting the lady on a date, he should take care of the bill. if the lady initiates the date, she should take care, but the guy should offer to take care of the bill or pay a part of the bill. They can decide to split it here depending on them. In the case she initiated the date because the guy wouldn’t take initiative then a sensible guy should perceive that and pay. if he doesn’t perceive it. The girl should pay and later call his attention to it. It could be that the guy doesn’t know these etiquettes, or he is not into the girl. Either of the two.
- Damilare from Avon Medical: From my point of view, the guy should pay and if they have to split bills for any reason, the guy should pay more. However, this depends on the moral standpoint of the two persons involved and their financial capabilities.
- Michael from Heirs Energies: Well, I think it depends on the earning power of both parties. If the lady earns as much as the guy, then the bill should be split 60/40. The man takes 60%. if she earns much less, then the man could take all.
- Nonso from Afriland Properties: I think the person who initiated the date should pay. I’m a traditional person and hold the belief that a man should naturally pay. However, times have evolved. There is nothing that forbids a Madam from paying. If she initiates an outing especially when the man is reluctant, she should get the bill.
- Weng from RedTech: Who should pick up the tab on a first date? This question is as old as dating itself, and opinions vary widely. In my view, the answer largely depends on the context. For a first date, I believe the person who initiated the outing should be the one to settle the bill. However, in general, I think the man should typically take on this responsibility. Why? Traditionally, men have been seen as the providers, and this notion still holds a certain charm and practicality. The lady, on the other hand, can offer to pay when she feels like it or in situations where the guy might need a hand. But I firmly believe that women shouldn’t feel obligated to split the bill equally with a man.
Question 2: How about this scenario: Two people are in the talking stage. The lady asks the guy out on a date, and he agrees. He then chooses an expensive venue, and she doesn’t object. They enjoy dinner, and when it’s time to pay, the waiter hands the bill to the man. The man then passes the bill to the lady, reasoning that since she initiated the date, she should pay. What’s your thought and who do you think should pay? Him? Her?
- Akindamola from Heirs Holdings: Lmao. Is this a real thing that happened to you? 😂 Firstly, the person who initiates a date should be the one to make plans. Pick venue etc. So I don’t think that should even be the case. If I’m asking to take a woman on a date, she’s definitely not the one making the plans. I am.
- Edet from Heirs Holdings: The lady should pay since she’s initiated the conversation at the talking stage. However, the man should be a gentleman and not pass the bill to her before the waiter. Rather he should receive the bill and nudge her or politely ask if he should handle it.
- Adeoye from Avon HMO: The two both of them should gettat! Did I follow them to go and flex? Seriously though, I’d have said whoever initiates the date should pay because guy man dey house before you carry am waka. However, in this case, it’s not as straightforward because the guy picked an expensive venue so he should at least be willing to split the bill, especially since it’s talking stage. That said, if he is the one who initiates the date, he should be paying even if the babe picks the venue. Last last, be upfront about what you can afford before going on dates because the standard you set shouldn’t drop unless something drastic happens. If all works out well, you’ll be dating them anyway so maybe it won’t hurt to put all your cards on the table from the beginning.
- Anonymous from Heirs Holdings: He probably doesn’t like her, because why is he choosing an expensive venue? But on her side, why didn’t she object? She planned to pass it on to him feeling that as a man he wouldn’t want to fall hand outside. Both are not being straight with each other. That’s why clarity is necessary, if a lady asks me out on a date, even though I know I’ll most likely cover it, I’ll still stylishly ask her “on whose account?”.
- Theo from Heirs Life: Talking or no talking right, is this their first date? Is he joking? Is he serious and actually interested? Unless he’s not interested at all. If a guy likes you, he will want to pay. First date o. Now maybe on subsequent dates and the girl says IT’S HER TREAT, then that’s different. But all first date rules, irrespective of who initiates it means it’s the guy. And if he doesn’t, just smile, pay, and leave.
- Anonymous from Heirs Holdings: The Lady should pay; she initiated the date. Although, the waiter will normally give the bill to the guy. It happens everywhere but it’s more like a social construct. It shouldn’t be an issue. When the bill was passed to him, the lady should have requested the bill from the guy or the waiter.
- Emmanuel from Transcorp Power: He pays oh, he is even the one who chose the expensive place. He pays, but he should make it known to her that it’s expensive. A lady only pays if she opts to pay even before going to the place. Even If she is the one who chose the expensive place, he should know he is paying. A man should decline any outing or date he knows he cannot afford. Even if she suggests, whine her, unless you ought to pay. If it’s expensive and you want to see if she is willing, tell her beforehand “This place is an expensive place oh, their food will be costly”. If she has intentions of paying, the conversation from her will drive to her either saying she can foot half the bill or her meals.
- Somto from Heirs Holdings: The lady who initiated the date should typically pay for it. But given that the man agreed to the date and chose the venue, he could offer to pay or suggest splitting the bill as a polite gesture. However, if the lady did not object to the venue, it might imply she was prepared for the associated costs, but it’s still courteous to discuss it.
- Anonymous from TEF: The thing is, all these scenarios, can never apply to me, babe asks me out and I choose an expensive location. Lmao. Anybody that initiates the date or insists, should pay – Man or woman. Although, we all know, it’s men that initiate dates most times. Women don’t generally initiate nada. In scenarios where there is a more familiar relationship, splitting the bill can be brought up. “Hey babes, mind splitting the bill?”. For me, if I get a yes or a no, no wahala. In this scenario up here, the man didn’t do anything wrong with passing the bill, the way he would have communicated it also matters. Where he will mess up is if he is eating like a thief and runs the bill up. With these few points of mine, I hope I am able to convince you that… IT CAN NEVER BE ME……..
Ps: Never, ever, ever, order more than what your pockets can handle if someone else is gonna be paying. - Chinabia from Heirs Holdings: In her defense, he chose the venue. Why choose an expensive restaurant if you do not have money? We should have had the conversation before the date. However, if this happens to me and the guy passes the bill, if I can afford to pay then I will. Best believe he may not hear from me again because if he likes the lady, he will not do that. If it is too expensive for me, I will pay for my food, and he pays for his. Afterall, some guys do the same thing these days.
Conclusion:
Like Titilayo from United Capital would say (and I agree), a balanced approach is usually the best way to go, depending on the circumstance. It depends on the people involved and their preferences.
Some folks like to stick with the traditional idea that the guy should pay. It’s a nod to classic chivalry and can make the date feel special. This can feel nice and respectful, and some women might feel more appreciated this way. However, it can also put a lot of financial pressure on the guy and might feel a bit outdated to some people.
On the flip side, many people nowadays prefer to split the bill or take turns paying. This approach is all about equality and fairness. It’s fair and doesn’t put all the financial burden on one person, and it fits with modern ideas about gender equality. The downside is that some might feel it’s less romantic or thoughtful, and it can be tricky if one person earns a lot more than the other.
Every sensible guy wants to feel like he is a provider, and every girl likes to feel like she has a provider. The thing is, we all just want a balance to it. Every man needs a break, and the lady should be sensible enough to know when to give him a break and spoil him too!
Ultimately, the best approach is to mix these ideas and find a balance that works for both of you. Maybe you take turns paying or split the bill sometimes and let the guy pay other times. The key is to talk about it and figure out what feels right. This way, it’s tailored to your relationship, and it encourages honest conversations about money and expectations. Sure, it might be awkward to discuss at first, and there could be some disagreements, but it’s critical to communicate and respect each other’s feelings.
In the end, a balanced approach considers both traditional and modern values, ensuring that both partners feel appreciated and comfortable.
There’s no perfect answer, so just find what works best for both of you!
