It is an obvious truth that a person is more likely to be honest in their appraisal of a member of the opposite gender when they are not sexually attracted to them.
Sex expression between two parties creates an illusory effect. The imagined substance of the relationship that is founded on it, is far more shallow than most people realise.
Physical intimacy satisfies a basic human need. This, coupled with the fact that the concept has been idolised in the mind of the average person in this day and age, ensures that the satisfaction derived is powerful enough to maintain a relationship for a time.
Parties who prime themselves solely on sex when in a relationship, more often than not, find it difficult to sustain one for long. This is because a relationship is more than just need satisfaction. This is what separates Friendship from a Relationship. (This dichotomy, for the most part, is faulty since Friendships are relationships, the only differing quality being sex expression).
There’s an honesty to friendship that “relationships” don’t seem to have. Even in the face of this fact, people would rather avoid being friends with the opposite gender because of fear of the “Friend Zone”, a concept erroneously thought to be compulsorily successive to friendship, which it isn’t.
Since diminishing returns follow need satisfaction, skipping the friendship side of a relationship will ensure the entire setup either collapses or will be difficult to enjoy in the long term.
Sex is a precursory to reproduction. This particular truth is lost on many because the media has shifted the pleasure feature to the front. For all intents and purposes, Sensuality is just a signal to a person that they can well and truly indulge in procreation. The reward for attempting to create life, whether or not one succeeds, includes a pleasure package. That’s why sex feels good. Were a couple to get married solely based on attraction, they would find it hard to get along with each other once they go beyond the age where the need for sex is high.
This scenario exists even in youthful relationships. Once diminishing returns from sex expression between parties begins to reflect, their eyes open more to the truth of who their partner is and more often than not,
they realise that this person isn’t someone they want to be with this closely. They are mostly unable to articulate their thoughts properly enough to come to this conclusion, but I believe that this is what goes on in their minds.
Naturally, they jump ship as opposed to building a friendship with this person. That was never on the table to begin with, so why bother? The veil has lifted from their eyes, so they switch to someone else. They are driven by the novelty of discovery. No matter how similar character qualities between people may be, they are still different. The process of meeting, attracting, and sleeping with a person is never exactly the same.
Many relationships these days emulate a symbiosis. One that exists with a timeline. That timeline is determined by how exciting the idea of need satisfaction is with a particular person over a period of time. The absence of friendship (the most worthwhile relationship) makes maintaining a “symbiosis” improbable in the long term. If you notice, you’re more patient, intentional and forgiving when it comes to your friends. The select and discard process for friendship is much more intentional than it is when you’re just only attracted to a person.
I would encourage friendship between two parties seeking a worthwhile relationship but here’s the thing. The prevailing rules of the game suggest that friends should not have sex because once they do, they must transition to a relationship. The options for relationships that exist after sex expression has taken place between two friends ironically doesn’t emphasise friendship as much as it does physical intimacy. This thought process has been largely imbibed.
Friendship PR is much too poor given how important it is to the long-run maintenance of a relationship. I guess it goes without saying, friendship isn’t sexy. This should change but I reckon it wouldn’t. Imbibing friendship culture induces discipline. One that acts in opposition to need satisfaction as pandered by mainstream media.
