Amid corporate dynamics, HH People ventured into a dimension often overlooked but profoundly influential: matters of love, romance, and relationships.
In a recent interview, we had the privilege of speaking with the Advisor to the Group Chairman, Anant Rao, whose perspective on love and relationships offers a refreshing departure from the conventional. It became evident that Anant’s expertise transcends spreadsheets and PowerPoint presentations, delving into the nuanced dynamics of human connection and emotional intelligence.
We have concluded that Anant is not just a leader in the business world but a knowledgeable guide in matters of the heart – A Love Doctor if we do say so ourselves.
AK for HH People: A good place to start would be, do you believe in love?
Anant: Yes. Love is the fundamental emotion of all our life. Most people really don’t understand how sacred love is. I believe that it’s a fundamental emotion and as you grow in life, once you grow into adulthood, then that emotion changes its form. OK, now you start getting attracted to the opposite sex. Some people call it chemistry, you know the chemicals and hormones in your body making you feel that you’re not complete. So, we always look for completion, and so we feel that when we get married, then we are complete.
As you grow, you then recognise that pure love is unconditional. For me, it’s like a mother’s love for her child. Irrespective of what happens, the mother still loves the child. Love that is dependent on just attraction, external attraction, is always transient. It’s more of infatuation or lust. Love doesn’t seek returns. When you are seeking returns, there is no love there.
It’s like God’s love for human beings, right? I mean, you generally feel connected to it, you never feel betrayed by God or, you know, let down by God, even if you don’t see him or connect with him emotionally.
AK for HH People: That’s quite powerful. What then do you think should be the focus of love?
Anant: In fact, the focus of relationships should be more on giving. Love thrives by giving and forgiving, not by leaving and forgetting.
AK for HH People: Over the years, how has your understanding of love changed? How has your perspective on relationships evolved and what are some of the things that influenced those changes?
Anant: I started my life in a monastery. I spent my childhood in a missionary environment, with Christian missionaries. I was heavily influenced by them, and particularly by Saint Francis of Assisi. There’s not a single day I don’t do the Prayer of Saint Francis. Jesus has been a major inspiration in my life, even though I was born in a Hindu household.
I saw how the missionaries worked, the charities they did, how they fed the poor and all these things. Then after secondary school, I went to a monastery for 11 years. I completed my education, and I was living under a very big spiritual leader in India. That was where I first understood God’s love and my master’s love towards everybody. It was so selfless, and luckily, I was mature enough to understand it.
That being said, as you grow older, attraction to the opposite sex shows up. Your body chemistry is changing, hormonal changes are happening, then you start looking at boys and girls differently, and you know, perhaps doing things.
I don’t know if I should say fortunately or unfortunately, but I didn’t have that phase of life because we were in a secluded monastery where there was no interaction with any opposite sex.
So, all those adolescent years when you really flirt and do all kinds of things, I didn’t have the opportunity to do all those.
AK for HH People: I’m very excited to discuss marriage. What was that like for you? Can you tell us about that part of your life?
Anant: I mean, relationship marriage is another aspect of life. First, you must love everybody because it is an emotion which multiplies or magnifies. However, love in marriage starts with the union of two people with a very sacred emotion. And when you love someone, they become the most beautiful person. It’s not that they look beautiful, so you love them, but because you love them, they become beautiful. Ultimately, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and love is also in the eyes of the beholder.
AK for HH People: Some people say that they saw someone, and they fell in love with the person immediately. Do you believe that that is possible? Do you believe in love at first sight?
Anant: Yes, I’m a believer in love at first sight, and not only with the opposite sex. It can happen with anything. You can see an object or an item and you just absolutely love it. I always wonder though, why do we say FALL in love? Why not rise in love? I believe it’s because love is an emotion where you sacrifice yourself for a higher purpose. Sort of sacrificing yourself to accept others. Perhaps that’s why we say ‘FALL’. You know, like when we bow down to respect elders.
So yes, I do believe that it happens. There’s chemistry and sometimes you feel, yes, this is the person.
AK for HH People: So, Chemistry works.
Anant: Sometimes, I think the chemistry works. For example, I observe people in the workplace, and I say, “Hey, something’s going on between both of you”. They ask, “How do you know?” and I just say, “I can see the chemistry. You’re not behaving like normal friends; you are behaving like something else”. Sometimes they agree, but most times they don’t. There is one I remember. He came up later and invited me to their wedding. Of course, I said congratulations and reminded him of when he said he was only teaching her Microsoft Excel and data analytics.
You know, life is like that. Yes, physical attraction is a starting point, but I think ultimately, it’s a union of hearts and compatibility of values that form the bedrock of romance. Otherwise, romance becomes very dry when love is limited to just bodily attraction.
AK for HH People: If you were to compare the dating scene or love, romance relationship scene of when you were much younger to what is obtainable in society today, how would you say it’s different?
Anant: I come from a traditional Indian family where you can’t choose your wife. Even if you have any attractions, you had better bottle it up inside. You don’t get to say, “Oh I like this girl and I want to marry her”. So, it is like an arranged marriage situation.
OK, so your parents will find somebody equal to your status and who can manage all these things. Then we have horoscope matching. They ask when you were born? What’s your clan?
Even marrying outside your own caste and your state is a big problem. But I think society is evolving very fast. I mean, I married like that, and it’s great. I don’t have any regrets about it because I didn’t have anybody whom I was already dating.
AK for HH People: What about now?
Anant: I found my own stuff, but society has evolved a lot, and the young people now want to make decisions on their own. They want to choose their life partners. I believe it is also a good trend because people are learning to understand what it takes to live with others, especially when it comes to compatibility.
AK for HH People: What does a healthy long-term relationship require?
Anant: Well, it’s not financial status alone. There are so many things involved. Sometimes people are in a hurry. They just meet somebody and then after spending some time, they say no, no, no.
It has become like shopping, digging too many wells and not getting to a place where you can drink good water from.
I mean, dating and all that is good, but only for people who are mature enough, not youngsters playing to emotions only.
But I’m glad that society is evolving, and people are also losing that narrow-mindedness of having to marry only from their state, village, and so on.
AK for HH People: Do you think there are any downsides to that?
Anant: Well, parents are also worried sometimes. As fast as these things are happening, separations are also happening at the same speed. Earlier on, we didn’t even know what separation was. Once you are tied, you are tied for life. Whether you liked it or not, you still had to live with your choice. And that made you a strong human being as you went along because you had to learn to understand and cope with each other.
Now, most young people want to make their own decisions and parents just say, OK. I think that’s good, but if you’re making a decision, then you should live with the choice and the consequence.
AK for HH People: Is this new trend something that you welcome? Or do you believe it was better back then?
Anant: I can only tell you that this is right or wrong from my own point of view. If my daughter decides to get married to someone, I’m not going to bring another boy from somewhere and say get married to this guy.
In my generation that might have worked, but not in the current generation.
So if my daughter says that this is the person I want to marry, I’ll say fine.
AK for HH People: Have you ever been in a situation where you loved someone, and it was unrequited? If you’ve ever been in that kind of situation, what kind of experience did you take away from that?
Anant: I didn’t have it like that. I’m very grateful to God for giving me my wife. Because she is quite amazing and very different. I honestly don’t know how people go through that.
I have experienced betrayals at various levels, however. But I’m a stickler to my own words. When somebody doesn’t honour themselves, when there is a divergence between what they say and what they do, I have developed the sort of emotional maturity to deal with these things. I don’t lose sleep over it. My happiness is very paramount to me, and I choose to be happy regardless.
AK for HH People: I think this is my final question. What qualities do you believe are essential for a successful and fulfilling long-term relationship?
Anant: Wow, I think the first is the compatibility of values. If values are not compatible, it is bound to fail.
The second is that you should have a good understanding. Then you can make the necessary adjustments. What I mean by that is for there to be trust, understanding must come before adjustment. It is important that they are in that sequence.
Let me give an example.
If you come late home every day, but your wife already understands the nature of your job, she is likely to be able to adjust to that schedule. But if there is no understanding and she just keeps adjusting, one day, she’ll get frustrated.
Also, freedom is what drives a relationship, and possessiveness is what shrinks it. One needs to be very careful because people get attached and become possessive.
You can’t sit under a mango tree and expect lemons. It won’t happen. You better change your expectations or you accept that a Mango tree will only give mangoes. Personality doesn’t change just because someone gets married.
For me, that’s what it is. There must always be that balance in a relationship.
AK for HH People: Thank you so much. This has been a very, very insightful session. Personally, as a single guy, I’ve learned a lot from this.
Anant: It was quite unexpected that HH People wanted me to talk about this topic because I’m like the most unromantic guy ever. I just tend to look very deeply at everything, and I observe humans very well.
Ultimately, everybody wants to be happy, but if you’re looking for happiness in others, that means you’re dead.
