A: Hi Anu! *Laughs*
Anu: Looool! Hey Anu!
A: You know we can’t start without me asking and; you can’t escape it. How does it feel to be the other Anu in the room?
Anu: Hahaaaaa Biggest! You know you’re my madam, nobody is competing with you, you’re called big for a reason.
A: Looooool behave, please you’re my egbon. I know where you live, you can deceive HH People, but you and I know what’s up out here.
Anu: We thank God for mercy, I’m just living out my name you know; mercy. I pray God continues to show me mercy, show my people mercy. May he continue to have mercy on my life, I’m grateful.
A: We’re thankful. Let’s start with how your day goes, how do you cope with living on the island and working on the mainland?
Anu: It’s actually calm, there’s no traffic. I’m off traffic both ways and AP (Africa Prudential) isn’t so deep in the mainland, it’s just right there.
A: We want to know who the other Anu in the room is, who is Anu Adesanya?
Anu: Anu is Anu really. I’m not exactly a social butterfly, but I’m not socially awkward either. I’m someone who easily adapts to different gatherings and vibes without changing who I am. I’d say Anu is very secure in himself. I recognise my uniqueness and align myself with my gatherings. i.e. I don’t like alte parties or gatherings, but if my friend invites me, I’d attend and have a good time for myself. I’m a family person, I’m big on family, I love my friends and I’m very ambitious. Football is my first love; I should’ve said that first. My future wife will have to get to know that and accept that about me.
A: Alte, I used to switch to Alte mode in my younger days, but you’re a better man than me, I will not be a good sport at even amapiano gatherings haha!
Anu: Haha, so long as I have my people, I’m good. I manage my environment really well, different communities, different personalities. It’s just a matter of patience, understanding, maturity, knowing why people are who they are.
A: So, tell me about your life as an undercover big boy. What’s it like?
Anu: Haay look at these people, I’m not going to try and call you out on your own stuff, I’m not even going to speak. Because I know how you’re balling. First of all, start with your skin, see how you’re balling, you’re calling me undercover big boy.
A: You’re not going to call me out? Skin? What’s the difference?
Anu: I’m a baby in the game o, I don’t know nothing. All I have is my paycheck.
A: Why is it that one Anu is balling and the other one is not?
Anu: Like I said, my name is working for me, God is on my side, and I come as I am. Your name is also working for you at the end of the day, there’s definitely levels to this p, there’s levels to this stuff. Not sure we’re sitting at the same table haha! Humility is key but sometimes, you can come out and say it as it is.
A: But in all seriousness Anu, what we’re trying to explore here is your experiences. Why is it different with guys? As a guy what do you mean by, we are not mates?
Anu: See, where you are now, besides your personal bills, it is possible that you do not have any other responsibility. Everyone is different, with their different crosses to bear, but with guys, it’s almost automatic. You’re responsible for what you don’t even plan to be responsible for.
A: Let me paint a scenario of how our experiences can differ. Bringing down to the basic things that can happen. When I’m not out on my own, I never look at the bill it never crosses my mind. But this one time in December 2022, I decided to just look at this bill. Ha! I saw it and I dropped it back for the owners because haha!
Anu: looool at the end of the day, there are definitely levels to this p, there’s levels to this stuff. What I’ll say is that I have always been fortunate with things like that, going out, going clubbing or just rocks in general. First of all, I never really used to party up until 2 years ago. In Uni and A levels when I should have been doing all these things, I didn’t, until now. I’ve always been fortunate with friends and people around me, so the arrangement is always clean, especially when we’re splitting the bill. It’s never been a problem. A few times, if I’m out with my egbons, my big bros, they like to cover most of it. So, I’m always sorted. You’d catch me more at weddings than clubs really. The kind of bills I don’t like are the ones you spend going out to eat. What is the fun in doing that? Why do girls do that?
A: Lool, I used to ask the same, but in Lagos, there’s always a new place to experience. There are people who just want to eat out and discuss, which I don’t understand, but I have my people who I check out these new places with on Fridays or Saturdays and we close the night out from there. We try out new places every month, just to catch up, gist and just have a good time. But Big Anu Way, it’s not every invite I accept, if the crowd is not what I fancy, I don’t go. Only a few people can get me out, but this isn’t about me.
Anu: Anu, you see my hands, they’re up! Biggest! But question, have you been to Ona Lagos?
A: No, I haven’t, you’re the big boy here.
Anu: Lol, but it’s a really nice place. I’ll share my experience. One day, I was casually at the Palms Mall, and I was just in my jersey, casual slides and joggers, and this friend of mine who just moved back to Naija had been pushing for us to meet up. One day she called me asking where I was, and how we had to go to dinner that evening to catch up. This girl just dragged me to this dinner. I asked her to choose the place and she said we should go to Ona. I was on my own o. Bear in mind, I wasn’t dressed for any dinner.
A: Anu said choose the place!!
Anu: I just said ‘okay’. We got there, got wings for starters. The chow wasn’t that great, but I couldn’t complain. She was there, doing all the aesthetics that you guys do. We ordered our main meals, and I wasn’t just enjoying the food, but I just had to brave it. After a while I couldn’t pretend to be enjoying the meal, so I called for it to be packed to go. She was enjoying her food. She ordered this sauce and didn’t like it, she complained to the chef that it was too salty, I said ‘hmm’. She said she wants the chef to remake it. Eventually, she asked them to pack it to go, she was forming Chef Ramsey. The bill then came, you know all those menus where you see 4-point-2, 3-point-something, so I didn’t really gauge the price, I just knew it wouldn’t be that bad. It was 100 and 40 something-K or so, and I was just like “I was in palms on my own o”. I didn’t have that much in naira, but I had dollars cash, so I paid part in dollars. It made me wonder if this is how women just go out to eat and spend money anyhow. Is that how it is with you, and your friends, are you obligated to?
A: Personally, no because I’m a one-man squad. I have my people that I do things with, my big family, but I’m a very independent person so these clique things don’t affect me. But on social media, why is there a need for men to show that they can facilitate?
Anu: Can I explain that? It’s funny and this might be a bit controversial. Everyone is responsible for their actions but the reason why men think this is the way, is because it’s the women who encourage these things. I tell my sisters and close friends that if you let a man feel that the only value he can show you is money, then anyone can sit at your table. Because anybody can have money at the end of the day. In the world, money is very powerful and it’s important because it’s a measure of success. It’s a measure of how well you can take care of a family and even earn respect. You have men who don’t even have much trying to show that they do just to get a girl’s attention so it’s an irony but that’s how it works. But when you remove money as the sole value of a man, you force people to bring more to the table, what else do you have to offer? What other way can you show how valuable you are, and it goes both ways.
A: I hear you, but if we bring it home and speak about just the rampant club scenario, do you think other men encourage this behaviour? You see your fellow man pull out all the big bottles, is it an ego thing where men just want to show that they’re the bigger man?
Anu: Can I let you in on a secret?
A: Sure
Anu: If it was only men in the world, a lot of things wouldn’t happen. If it was just mandem in the club, men wouldn’t buy half the drinks they buy. Women have so much power and I don’t think you know. A lot of these things we do is for you. It’s just the world we live in. There are different perspectives as well. Sometimes, some people just want to impress one man somewhere. You have a young person, who doesn’t have a family yet or major responsibilities, so these funds pose as excess cash to spend. If I had N10m today, my first instinct isn’t to blow it on bottles, sit back and assess my needs, invest a portion of it, grow that capital and take care of my responsibilities.
A: Loool if I had 10m right now, best believe I’d first take my guys who have been there for me out. Drop a bit on bottles, then go and calibrate at home because times have been tough. Just kidding!
Anu: 100% loool 100% for sure, you still have to enjoy. Sometimes, you can’t always put money away, so enjoy a little bit.
A: How do you deal with these demands of men from society?
Anu: How do I deal? Sometimes, these demands make sense, but some are quite feeble and lacking in substance. So, I assess these demands and decipher which I adhere to and which I won’t consider. You know, a man is only loved by what he provides, all those societal stuffs, relating substance to only financial stability or affluence. Whereas there’s a lot more to being a man. All fingers are not equal but as I said earlier, my dad is my role model and I’m not here saying I must have billions, but I want to be able to get to the point where I can adequately take care of my family. Again, all fingers are not equal, but I want to be as selfless as my dad in making sure my family is okay. Sometimes, he’s selfless to a fault and you have to remind him to do things for himself. But yeah, these are values I emulate. But you know based on this generation and social media, some demands don’t bother me after I critically assess it because, at the end of the day, I know the value I bring to the table. So, I’m not worried about things that don’t matter.
A: You spoke about managing personalities and your environment earlier. We’ve even delved into the social dynamics of men and women; how do you see the different male personalities? Alpha, omega and team?
Anu: Different realities lead people to be the way they are. Speaking of alpha males, some are very in your face, and it might just be a function of how they’ve grown up or who they are. Some alphas are very laid back, but their presence is felt. Some guys are effeminate, some are very carefree with no defined tag, but on first impression, I get to know everyone. Zero judgement and I accept people for who they are and accord them the respect. You have to be confident in yourself because there are people who will not just like who you are and try to get under your skin. After all, you’re not their ideal guy.
A: Men then vs now, how do you think the male identity has changed?
Anu: Well, I don’t want to speak about Africa alone, but back then, in our parents’ time, they were big on education, following the status quo. The career path was clear, you want to be a doctor, engineer, etc. to provide for your family. Our parents did things thinking of others, and this is me being honest. I don’t think men of our generation can make the sacrifices our parents made; I don’t think we have that power to sacrifice as much. Maybe because some of our parents have made us very comfortable so we are not used to the level of grafting. We do work hard, but we also must work smart. We don’t have to work till we’re old and grey before living it off. It’s not a straightforward answer, but men then were straight on the career path. Today, we don’t have that patience. It’s a fast-paced generation, everyone wants to hit it big and hit it now, there’s no process or patience. The measurement is just money now, back then, there was a future to work for in a career. But looking at the economic changes, we can’t still equate it. The male identity has changed, and toxicity has reduced as the years have gone along though. Back then men couldn’t even cry or say they were depressed, as a man, you were seen as weak, but now we normalise and raise awareness. Men also should be cared for.
A: Is it important to maintain a level of mystery? With girls, you’re constantly in a battle to be a ghost, they must know of me, but not know me.
A: It’s society making it seem like if you’re out there as a woman, you’re loose, which is wrong. But with guys, the more out there you are the better for your outlook, you’re the guy! Doesn’t make any sense. Just do you.
A: What has shaped the man you are today?
Anu: My dad is my role model; I’ve always admired the man my dad is. If I grow up to be half the man he is, then I’d really be grateful. He has a huge influence on me. My education as well and just the way I see things. I’m very optimistic about life. The good always outweighs the bad for me most times. I’m also big on seeing life beyond just yourself, I look at the bigger picture. I ask myself; how do my actions affect those around me, my future? What are the consequences? These things shape my values. I love love, and I have a lot to give, sometimes, I try to be a bad guy but e no work.
A: Any last words for other men?
Anu: Keep working, keep pushing, no pressure! Okay, there is pressure but have a vision. Be certain about what you want to achieve and go for it. God is most important. As men, we need to improve our relationship with God and enjoy his blessings. We can’t have it both ways, so stick with God.
A: Not so bad being the other Anu in the room huh?
Anu: Hahaha like I said earlier, Anu is cool peoples!
