Sometimes, some things can’t really be explained, you have to experience it; like men. They say curiosity killed the cat, however, these questions from a few women across the group have received answers from Nduka Mba-Uzuokwu.
1. Why do men act like they’ve known each other forever when they’re meeting for the first time? Isn’t it fake?
No, it isn’t. There’s just some universally unspoken and unwritten rule that instinctively compels us to be fraternal without reason or cause.
2. Why do some men take advantage of independent women, knowing fully well, that these women will succumb to beat the ‘gold digger’ allegations?
Works both ways, to be honest. Everyone’s just trying to survive in this increasingly hostile habitat that is today’s society. Independent women have their place somewhere on the food chain. They eat and know they can and may get eaten at some point. The same applies to we men. Rather, those men because I’m off-da-streets! If the line of least resistance is the false sense of security independence often provides a woman, a sharp guy, who needs to ‘eat’, will exploit it – to survive. So would a woman. Besides, the more independent and untouchable, the bigger the ‘kill’ and bragging rights!
3. What exactly is ‘simping’ and why shame people for being decent and kind?
Fun fact; I simped a few times before I hung my boots! You simp when you show excessive sympathy and affection towards another person in pursuit of affection or a sexual relationship. It’s just one of those impulsive offences men (and women) would launch to indulge their innocent/arguably despicable ‘cravings’. Because it could be either, there’s always the risk of getting shamed to contemplate because people misunderstand and/or misinterpret gestures, especially in these desperate times.
4. How do men genuinely deal with their emotions? Men seem to always have a brave face on when everyone else is vulnerable.
We’re victims of society’s demand for us to be macho about our emotions; even to each other. Rather than show ‘weakness’, we master the dark art of internalizing our deepest-felt emotions, and then cry privately. Punch walls. Slam floors. Curse. We’re just as vulnerable as anyone else. Women also make us do it. “Are you not a man?” “Be a man.” “I only like tough guys.” ” He’s a stroooooongggg guy.” ” Don’t be a wimp.” Familiar?
5. Why is it such a problem when the woman earns more money? Is it an ego thing? Won’t you enjoy the money together?
It usually wouldn’t be a problem for solid men except the woman makes it one. Men are conditioned to provide. So, that sense of insecurity and inadequacy could creep in when the woman earns more. Men live for respect. Once that’s compromised by the woman because she earns more, there’ll be problems.
6. Why are men sexually insatiable?
Are we, really? When I was still on the streets, I was satiable o, and there were women who weren’t! Lol! To the question, when men work excessively hard to get there, their natural instinct (considering their attention spans could be notoriously short a lot of times) would be to “rush the food” “before it gets cold, spoils or gets eaten by someone else!” (in quotes pls, their words not mine) And, “if the food was good, they’ll feast on it again and again”, with their eyes on the next dish, call it greed. Some think of it like a buffet. Can get boring eating only moi-moi when there’s akara next to it. Again, it works both ways o! I knew insatiable women ‘those days’…lol!
7. Why do men pretend to not know what they want?
Because sometimes, that’s what they need to do to get what they want (which could be anything) and/or keep getting what they’re already getting. Other times, they may also not know what they want.
8. Why do men stay in relationships for so long but shudder at the sound of the question “Where is this relationship going?” Why the fear of commitment?
Risk management! A man who shudders is either not ready to commit because he doesn’t feel he’s ready to handle that level of responsibility at the time, or is ready but not thinking about settling down with the woman who asked the question (she’s just a convenient string-along). He could also be undecided about her. Or unsure about committing in general. Selfish but rational.
9. What do you think about feminism and what advice you do have for other men?
Never a fan of extreme views. However, real men should, as part of what makes them solid men, always amplify rather than subdue the very powers women are endowed with. Men who do, usually reap incredible rewards.
10. What informs men’s boldness in their careers?
Men are known to obsess over money, power/influence, and respect for all the benefits they provide. Solid careers would offer those in measures, which explains why you find some men stop at nothing to dominate in those spaces.
11. In the workspace do you think men compete with women the same way they would compete with their male counterparts for opportunities?
Probably not but that’s changing now with smart organizations now empowering women. I always thought it was ‘criminal’ to marginalize women. It encouraged chauvinism. Some of my best bosses were women. That said, men will compete with any living and non-living thing to gain, retain and increase their money, power/influence and respect. Others would simply because their career growth hinges on their performance, (which is sometimes relative to their peers, regardless of their gender).
12. Do you carry the role of being a man to the workplace or do you leave it at home?
I take it to work, that deep sense of responsibility, mental toughness, support, care, provision, grit, dependability etc. You never stop being a man. Those mannish instincts would always kick in and one would be less a man to repress them.
13. How do you see toxic masculinity?
Solid men would feel no need to assert themselves distastefully. Even when they do, they comport themselves accordingly. Chaps who do otherwise mostly do so to compensate for their inferiority complexes and bad insecurities.
14. Is the male identity fluid or do you think it’s a straightjacket affair?
Tricky question considering the times. But I am very traditional in this regard. The male identity is not fluid, so long as its definition remains the expression of his uncompromised masculinity and presentation of same to society. Pretty much like, a man is a man. Gender identity, on the other hand, permits fluidity. Man today, woman tomorrow etc. That, I don’t subscribe to.
