Interviewer (INT): Hi, what’s up now?
Temitope (TEM): I am good! Good to be here.
INT: Let me tell you what this thing is all about. It’s the HH volume for July, and the whole gist is basically about friendships and what we are doing here today is an interview, so I’m not going to run you by some of the points like the general feel so that you are abreast of it and we’ll jump right into the questions.
TEM: Cool!
INT: So, here’s the opening. “In the July issue of HH People, we celebrate friends and friendship. Friendship with our family, colleagues, and just people in our lives. We want to share in the amazing memories you have made, lessons you have learned, and tips for building relationships.” Would you say you have friends?
TEM: No.
INT: Why?
TEM: ‘Cause I’m not really a social person. Like I’m not the type to go out of my way to make friends. So even if I do make friends, the ones that I make, manage to stick around.
INT: Would you say you are friendly? Or you are a meanie?
TEM: Yeah, I’m friendly; definitely not a bad person. I’m kind of an introverted extrovert.
INT: Ambivert?
TEM: I mean I don’t know… I don’t know if I’m an ambivert per se. I actually don’t know.
INT: Okay, okay. So, the actual first question, who do you call a friend?
TEM: So, I would say someone that is on the same mental wavelength as I am. I don’t know if that English makes sense but someone that gets my person and I get their person.
INT: Wanna shed a little more light?
TEM: Basically, the friendship does not seem forced or strained. It just feels natural and they are those kinds of people that if you don’t talk to them in a very long while, (when I say long while, I’m not up to a year) like a month, when you guys talk again, it feels like nothing ever no time ever passed. Basically, you’re on the same mental wavelength; your personalities may not be the same but you guys are aligned.
INT: Hmm, would you say you have a work bestie?
TEM: Kind of, yes.
INT: Do you believe in besties?
TEM: No.
INT: But you have a work bestie?
TEM: Because that’s what you asked me.
INT: (laughing) Uh-uh. How do you have a work bestie but you don’t believe in besties?
TEM: I don’t use labels. I don’t do labels. But this person is my bestie, I don’t do that.
INT: Okay, help me out here.
TEM: (laughing) Now do I have somebody in my office that I’m close to? Yes.
INT: Tell us a little bit about them?
TEM: So what do you want to know exactly? Is it about the person or how our friendship started or how we became friends or …. ?
INT: Tell us about the person? Let’s start off with that.
TEM: So, my work bestie is actually a guy. I’m actually closer to guys. I’d say his personality is a total contrast to my personality. I remember during the beginning of our friendship, I’d mention how I don’t know if this thing can work because me I’m like “Hard
INT: Hard girl? Like you are tough?
TEM: Yeah, and at the same time, I just want to be a soft baby girl. I cannot fight anybody; I don’t want to be in a position to hurt people. But this guy, he’s just that kind of person who is really sweet. He’s the kind of person that can give you a sweet tooth if you let them.
INT: Interesting. Okay, so do you have a best friend?
TEM: I said I don’t do this.
INT: Why?
TEM: I don’t believe in labels.
INT: Interesting. Okay, so do you have a best friend?
TEM: I said I don’t do this.
INT: Why?
TEM: I don’t believe in labels.
INT: If you are not using labels, who is your bestie? Who is the person that is a prospect?
TEM: You are still making me want to think of the idea of a best friend. Just ask me who am I close to.
INT: Who are you close to?
TEM: I have my friend who is also my neighbour. We are both graduate trainees.
INT: What happened to this friend?
TEM: She’s still my friend. Still my close friend, though we are not in the same company.
INT: Which one would you like to pick? How did you meet this close friend, and at what point did you know they were friends for life?
TEMS: Huh? (laughs) This interview is not going well.
INT: (laughs) Why?
TEMS: Because none of these questions that you are asking… I want to use another person as an instance.
INT: You want to use another person now? Why now, plus where is this person?
TEMS: He is abroad, and he would perfectly fit the question you are asking.
INT: Ok, let’s start with that. How did you become friends with this person?
TEMS: He collected my number from a guy that was after me at the time. No chance for him. (laughs) Yeah, so that’s how I met him. Funny thing is, I’ve only seen him once in my life.
INT: Mind me asking how many years you’ve been friends now?
TEMS: 7 years. I’ve only seen him once in 7 years that I have known him.
INT: Okay, seems like y’all put in the effort.
TEMS: We were really tight after the friend-zoning thing. We still kept in touch, you know, great vibes and all of that. His personality is very interesting. To me, it’s funny.
INT: Enough to keep the friendship going?
TEMS: Yeah, we still kept the friendship going. We’ve had falling outs, but he always found a way to worm his way back into my life. Even if we don’t talk for a period of time. You mentioned something about how I knew he was a friend for life.
INT: Yes, how?
TEMS: It was the period of time before he traveled abroad. We hadn’t been talking then, but when we did, he’d call me from multiple different numbers. I missed one of his strange number calls, and I have this notion that if it’s important, he will call me back. Long story short, one day I was finally able to talk to him, and he was like, “oh, I am traveling abroad.” I’m like, “are you serious?” He explained that he had been trying to reach me all this time. It was so sweet that he kept trying to reach me, and he was moving the next day.
INT: Wow, wild.
TEM: Anyway, even after he left, he still kept in touch. He would randomly chat me up and encourage me to apply for things. He watched out for me, and it meant a lot to me.
INT: He helped you out without asking?
TEM: Yeah! He unprovokedly asked me to send my CV. He always encourages me to apply for something. It was the thought that mattered.
INT: So, in one go, this person who traveled out simultaneously made the point that solidified your friendship. One move, and you knew that this person is your friend for life.
TEM: Yeah, because it’s easy to be a friend in the same country with somebody, but it’s not easy to be a friend miles and countries apart.
INT: He definitely sounds like a friend worth keeping. Funny you should mention “Japa” because I was about to ask, how has this trend affected your friendship?
TEM: It’s pretty much still the same. We don’t talk as much as we would have been talking before, but everybody’s busy now. He still makes it a point of duty to check in and call me.
INT: A friend like no other. God when!
TEM: I know, right?! Sometimes we have these very long conversations, and it’s so easy to flow because he doesn’t say things that are foreign to me.
INT: Foreign? What do you mean?
TEM: He doesn’t make reference to things that I am not aware of because I am not in his country. We talk about Nigeria, advancements, and stuff.
INT: In that same space, there’s the bro code. I don’t know about the girl code, but is there a friendship code? And to you, what’s that all about?
TEM: Yeah, I think there’s a friendship code for me. It’s the ability to tell my friend when they’re messing up. Even if they’re feeling… So, there was a day that something happened in the office, and I was telling someone that if it’s me, I’ll tell the person straight up that they messed up. But my colleague said that’s not emotional intelligence. But for me, it’s being honest with my friends.
It was during the period before he travelled abroad. We hadn’t been talking much, but when we did reconnect, he would call me from different numbers since he frequently changed his phone number. One day, I missed one of his calls, and he explained that he had been trying to reach me because he was leaving the next day. It was sweet that he made an effort to reach out, and that’s when I knew he was a friend for life.
INT: That’s a beautiful story. How has the distance affected your friendship since he moved abroad?
TEM: It’s not the same as before, obviously. We don’t talk as much due to our busy lives, but he still makes it a point to check in and call me. He’s a friend like no other.
INT: That’s wonderful to hear. Is there a friendship code that you follow?
TEM: Absolutely. To me, the friendship code involves being honest with your friend, even if it means telling them they’re messing up. It’s about looking out for each other and supporting one another’s growth. That’s what true friendship means to me.
INT: Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences, Temitope. It’s been a pleasure talking with you.
