How has the japa wave affected your friendships?
I’d definitely be closer to my friends if we were in the same geographical location. But there’s still preservation. We talk once in a while to catch up and I live vicariously through them especially when they go for vacations in Paris or Saint Tropez.
Takeaway – whether it be close-up or distance relationships, it takes effort to keep it alive. Kind of like a plant that you have to water frequently and expose it to the right amount of sunlight.
How did your childhood friendships affect the way you view friendships?
I never really had childhood friends at such a young age because I was not a very playful child. I was focused more on bagging awards in primary school than playing hide and seek. But looking at my high school friendships, I tend to expect friendships to be about mutual support and companionship. Anything that seems lopsided – it starts giving toxic.
Do you find it difficult to build friendships as an adult?
I am not a very social person, let us start from there lol. I hardly initiate friendships. But I am very accommodating. So, even when someone doesn’t give me a vibe that I am used to I still give room for us to have something meaningful. Because I know people are from different backgrounds and experiences. And I want people to feel at home with me. (A friend once told me I am “The Ideal Lover” because I reflect to people what they want to see and she is right. But I digress).
Everyone on social media marries their “best friend”, is your partner really your best friend?
Haha! You people are looking to shake tables with this one. I do believe your partner should be your best friend but mine is not my best friend yet but she will be. I am counting on it. It’s about intentional effort to find alignment. I am sorry I sound like an IT person lol. But yea. Whether you and your partner hit it right off on everything from the start or it takes some time, it’s all good. Sometimes, some things take time and that is okay.
Friendships are important outside of relationships, how do you pick the people in your circle? Who is the support system that helps you navigate life’s challenges?
I could go on and on about this. Friendships are the lifeblood of healthy living, I believe. Non-toxic friendships so to speak.
I wouldn’t say I consciously pick the people in my circle, I am less intentional about this than I would like to be. But in general, anyone who is free-spirited, non-judgmental, and likes to challenge the status quo will pique my interest. And as long as you are not a serial killer you just might earn a spot.
I don’t have one person who is my support system. Because I find that I find solace in different friends for different reasons. One person can’t be everything to you, right? Having said that, I have a closely knit support system (or kitchen table as Michelle Obama calls it) surrounded by less than five people. I would rather not mention names because I am diplomatic, Lol.
You spend most of your time at work, you probably have a work husband, wife or bestie.
Lool! Another trouble you people are looking for. I don’t have, please. LMAO
How has technology helped your respective friendships?
I would say tech have saved me when it comes to keeping in touch with my friends in diaspora especially. For those in my geographical location, I find that there are times where you can’t be physically present, what do you do then? You send snaps and share memes! 😊 That is how you know someone is thinking of you.
Technology is a blessing.
Life’s so unpredictable that sometimes we form the most unlikely of friendships. What are the crazy, random scenarios that birthed an amazing friendship?
I am seriously drawing a blank on this one.
Do you believe female friendships are fragile? That women do not support each other.
Well, I cannot speak to that with credibility because I am not a woman. However, I do not believe that women don’t support each other. I have seen female friendships that have thrived from mutual respect and understanding as well as emotional support and getting the occasional “let that man go” advice, Lol. But I can only see this on the surface.
Why do people find it difficult to accept that you can have a bestie of the opposite gender with no strings attached?
Lool! This thing sha oh! It’s a topic for debate I believe. But I am for the motion that you can be best friends with the opposite gender (if Gen Z will allow me to speak in binary terms). Proof? My kitchen table is mostly girls and there are no strings attached! The healthiest relationships I have ever had. But not everyone is me and that is the problem, Lol.
Why do men bond over everything, even the silliest things?
Hmmm, this is deeper than it looks. I believe men are emotionally lightweight towards one another. I have no idea why. So, it doesn’t take a lot to become close friends with another man. Maybe it’s because we don’t expect anything per se from each other, emotionally speaking.
Bro code, Girl code what are all these codes about?
These codes are funny little commitments that people hold themselves to so they can be there for their guy or girl. Whether said guy or girl is right in a given instance or not.
Say if one of my guys is cheating on his girl I won’t tell her. That is the commonest example. This is just an example oh.
But I don’t stand for those codes. If a friend of mine is cheating on his girl for instance I may or may not tell the girl depending on a lotttt of factors. One of the most important is the “mind your business” factor. God sees a lot of wrong in the world yet he doesn’t simply fix everything even when we all know he can (or she can – in case you believe God is a woman).
Bottomline is I don’t have a hero mentality and I don’t believe I should interfere with whatever comes into my awareness, good or bad. I follow my gut feeling to decide what I should interfere with and what not to.
