The Concept of Open Relationships; The New Way to Love

If you’re a younger millennial or gen z and you live in Lagos, chances are, you’ve been in an open relationship– knowingly or unknowingly, or you know someone who’s in one. I recall a time when I caught my friend’s boyfriend with another woman on her bed when she was out of town and decided to “go to her as a woman”. I was surprised to learn that they had an agreement that allowed him to engage in sexual encounters outside of their relationship.

An open relationship is a type of romantic relationship where both partners are allowed to engage in sexual activities with other people outside of the relationship. This concept is not new but has become more mainstream in recent years, with many couples embracing the idea of non-monogamy.

There are many different forms of open relationships, and partners can have different expectations and roles. Typically, open relationships include:

Primary partners: This is your main partner in the relationship, both of you are first committed to each other and prioritize yourselves above all others.

Secondary partners: This is anyone outside of the primary relationship. They are casual or not as serious but still partake in emotional and physical intimacy.

Casual partners: These people are involved in sexual encounters but there is absolutely no commitment beyond the physical.

So why are so many young people drawn to this type of arrangement?
For many, it’s about embracing their sexuality and exploring different experiences without feeling guilty or restricted. It’s about not feeling trapped, finding fulfilment in other ways besides just one partner, and having the freedom to pursue their desires without sacrificing the love and connection they have with their primary partner.

While open relationships sound exciting, they are not void of challenges. The jealousy from seeing your significant other with someone else or managing the logistics of having multiple partners inside Lagos traffic, including scheduling conflicts, are some of the most common challenges.

Despite these challenges, open relationships are becoming increasingly popular with the younger generation, as more people are recognising that love and connection can take many different forms and that there’s no one right way to love.

While open relationships can be a fun and exciting way to explore new experiences, it’s not for the weak, neither is it a solution to your relationship problems. Whether an open relationship is for you and your partner depends on many factors, including your personality, the relationship dynamic, and expectations.

If you’ve ever thought about having an open relationship, here are some tips to make it work.

Communication: The key to making any relationship work is communication, and this is especially true for open relationships. You need to have open, honest, and regular conversations with your partner about your feelings, expectations, and boundaries.

Trust: Open relationships require a high level of trust between partners. Both partners need to trust each other to be honest about their activities outside of the relationship and not cross any boundaries without consent.

Rules: Both partners need to establish clear rules and boundaries from the beginning. This could include things like using protection, not sleeping with mutual friends and being honest about your activities outside of the relationship.

Emotional connection: Open relationships require a strong emotional connection between primary partners. Both partners need to feel loved and supported, and the relationship should not feel like a competition with outside partners.

Finally, open relationships offer a bold new way of loving that is both exciting and challenging, but it’s important to consider whether an open relationship aligns with your values and if it’s something that you and your partner are comfortable with. It’s also important to remember that open relationships take a lot of effort to work. If you’re not comfortable with the idea, it may be best to stick with a traditional, monogamous relationship. If you’re considering an open relationship, make sure to have open communication with your partner, establish clear rules, and have a strong emotional connection. In the end, 90% of Lagosians are in open relationships, most of them are just not aware.