When I was a child, I remember wanting to be a doctor. Well, it was either that or being a lawyer, banker, engineer, or a disgrace to the family (anything outside the ‘big 4’ didn’t count). Lol.
It’s funny to me because now I look back, not with regret but with amusement about how I would ever want that. And no, it’s not that being a doctor isn’t amazing – saving lives is great – but I’m in a place where I don’t feel I’m missing out on what my life would have been if I’d been a doctor.
That said, getting here has been interesting.
Imagine wanting something and your family wanting the same thing for you only to realise that you found yourself doing something else, repeatedly. Growing up, we sometimes get a lot of ideas that aren’t ours to begin with, and they lead us into thinking of specific paths. My dad is a vet doctor (well, largely retired) and I felt I could raise the bar by being a medical doctor. The obvious markers were there at the time – the sight of blood didn’t bother me, I could dissect certain animals (supervised) before I was 13 and all that.
But I found myself spending more time in the Arts Department than I did in the Science Department. I found myself writing and reading more about things that had nothing to do with numbers. I found myself lighting up when things regarding our humanity were being discussed and zoned out on conversations about molecules and isotopes. Funny enough, I didn’t entirely hate the sciences, it just felt like I was missing something. I didn’t hate reading about the usual topics, I just hated having my academic progress hinged on them. I wanted to know; I just didn’t want to know about those things to pass.
So, I switched. It cost me a year. It cost my parents money and a degree of joy. But I switched.
I think I was lucky to do this when I did. During my MA programme, I had a classmate who was a doctor – Arin, if I remember correctly. I found out when during our first class together that she had finished her first degree in Medicine and opted immediately opted for a professional master’s degree in communication and language arts. Somehow, I couldn’t help but think that that may have been me.
So, I realise that not everyone may be as fortunate; to do exactly what they want or to have course-corrected early enough, or even to be allowed the time and space to find their way. I don’t even know if that allowance exists anymore because it seems we now live in a world where the margins for error and discovery seem to be getting thinner. And this realisation precludes our consciousness when we become parents. We want our children to be happy, safe and successful and like my parents, I fear that our ambitions for our kids may cloud our ability to let them feel their way around and discover what truly resonates.
When we were young, there was a template.
Today, there seems to be another template with technology at its core. It’s amazing. I only hope that kids get to be kids when they need to be and then grow with the right guidance to discover what it is they want to be, whether it’s one thing or many. That’s what I’m most grateful for.
Today, I’m not a doctor but I work in healthcare, doing exactly what interests me as a communications person while still playing a role in people’s wellbeing. Thinking back now, I think that’s what I’ve largely been interested in; a career where I can draw a line from my daily actions to how they impact people, regardless of the industry.
So, again, LOL, because it’s funny how life works sometimes.
