So Far, So Good

On this cool Sunday evening, I was leaning on the balcony railing, savouring the nice scent from the flowers in the garden, enjoying the serenity and astonishing view before me and most especially, being grateful for the woman I had become while reminiscing about on my struggles with love.

Flashback to my university days. I was in 200 level, naïve and thought I had found love. Although it was beautiful while it lasted, until one sunny Tuesday afternoon. While returning from my lecturer’s office after turning in my assignment, I noticed my classmates in groups of 3 whispering in low tones. It was evident from their mannerisms that there was a hot gossip in school “I can be left out” I thought rushing to meet my friends. “Why are your faces like this?” I asked Uju and Sharon. Uju pointed to a seat and said, “sit down May” I obliged though confused. “Okay?” I replied with a puzzled stare, then Sharon placed her phone right before me.

There it was a picture I didn’t need to stare too much at to recognise. I looked up at my friends and asked, “Is this the news in school?” “Yes,” Sharon said, “…and Adams has been saying it was a bet all along, I told you I don’t trust that guy” Apparently, Adams my so-called boyfriend had sent an intimate picture of both of us to his friends which spread further to the entire class.

I buried my head in shame as tears rolled down my eyes nonstop. So many thoughts ran through my mind.  How… Why… What did I do wrong to Adams to have deserved this? In the comfort of my friends, I went back to the hostel. I couldn’t step out of my room for the rest of the day as I was too ashamed. Then I vowed never to date any man until I was ready to marry.

4years after school, I started working in a bank, living a chilled lifestyle with no stress except work of course. On night outs with friends and colleagues, my friend will pop up the question “when will you get a man?” then I’ll say NO MAN NO STRESS… we would all laugh, even if I knew deep down, I was a sucker for love and wished for it but I was scared. Then followed several serious talks with my mum on the issue of getting married, so I loosened up and decided to try dating again. One day at the office, Hassana, my colleague and friend who had been trying to hook me up with one of her male friends talked about him again. Then I agreed to meet him. Meeting Leonard was fun. He was jovial and handsome with a good personality. To top it all, he was humble and that was it for me because I took that for honesty and what woman wouldn’t want an honest man right?

Leonard and I began dating and 7 months down the line he started talking about marriage which got me excited. I talked to my mum about it and told my friends about our plans to relocate and start a new life together. Everything was working out fast and fine, I was going to resign from work, but I didn’t mind because all my heart was with Leo. Unfortunately for me, things started changing some weeks after I had spread the news of our relocation to my friends and family. Leo became caught up in so many things including him travelling to Abuja where his parents lived at the time, and he barely had time for me. When I asked why he wasn’t calling like he used to, he replied “It is work, and family please try to understand”. I waited for one more week and nothing improved. Then our communication became worse. Leo would go two days without calling me, then it increased to one week. I was always doing the calling and checking up. At some point, I decided to confront Hassana who reassured me on several occasions that he would come around.

One random day while I was in the office, at the nick of the closing hour, Leonard called, apologising for his behaviour in the past weeks and he promised to make it up to me. He told me that he had made a reservation at a luxury hotel where we could sit and talk things out. I forgave him but was prepared to ask so many questions. Getting to the hotel, he sat me down saying “I need to tell you something”

I sat down. There was silence, then I became bothered and asked, “What is it?” Leonard went on his knee (both) I thought to myself, this is not the right way to propose to a lady or am I wrong? Then he started speaking “I got married May, this happened in a rush by my parents, it was fixed, I never wanted it… I still want to marry you, it still you that I want in my life. Please forgive me…”.

I wished for death right that moment. It was a huge struggle to get myself out of that web… I even vowed never to marry.

Two years down the line, I booked many sessions with the psychologist. She told me to pour my energy into the things I love including myself and I listened. Although it wasn’t easy, it was worth the try. I picked up some new hobbies and started a business I love. My brand got bigger, I made more money, got promotions at work, and became the Head of my unit. I was growing, glowing, and getting my goals. I was starting to become a better version of myself, which I never even envisioned. I used to think that love from someone else was all I needed to be a complete woman. I was wrong. I learnt that I needed to live for myself first, practice self-love before loving someone else…

“Excuse me madam Rotimi is awake, and he is crying”. That was my son’s nanny” bringing me back to this present day.
I left the balcony, walked into the living room, and carried my son with so much joy in my heart. Just then, the doorbell rang, and my husband came in “Good evening honey” he greeted me with a kiss on my forehead. I looked at my life and concluded that indeed, being heartbroken helped me re-discover myself and set me on the path to achieving all that I have today.