“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it.” – Nicholas Sparks
I met a gorgeous man when I was in university, six years ago. He not only had a beautiful soul he looked like an African prince – completely my type. We had an immediate connection and after a few weeks of chatting on the phone, we began dating.
During the holidays, we had incredible adventures. We travelled to our hometowns. We travelled to popular cities like Abuja, Lagos, and Port Harcourt. We went on beautiful outings and ended up falling madly in love.
Over the course of the relationship, I realised something was happening to me. I began to lose myself. I did not recognise myself anymore. My life revolved around him. I realised I had let myself go while swimming blindly in the oceans of fantasy.
I was in an emotional rollercoaster called a relationship. My African Prince had a nonchalant attitude towards his future goals. He had no vision and I was afraid of uprooting myself to avoid hurting him and most especially myself. He incurred debts because of the instability of the business he wanted to establish. I became insecure and dependent in the relationship. It reached a breaking point when he wanted me to forsake my education for an unworthy reason. I ended the relationship.
The breakup was so heart wrenching that I had to tell my best friend about it and she took me on a retreat to cheer me up. I felt invisible during the period of this retreat, but my best friend took me out of that cloak and really made the most of being there. I went to a spa; got a full body massage, I sang in a karaoke bar for the first time, swam in the swimming pool, and I finally wept, releasing all the pain and frustration in my chest.
As the days went on, I felt a positive shift in me. I felt alive. There was a zeal for life, I had not felt for a long time. For every heartbreak, be thankful, there is always a silver lining. It comes into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you. A heartbreak can transform your life if you let it.
When I got back home, I felt the dread creeping in but I did not let it engulf me. I concentrated on my physical and mental wellbeing. I had an understanding community of friends and family. I realised I needed a new outlet, so I threw myself into my schoolwork, graduated with good results, and had a job offer that I am blessed to have. I learned to love myself and I discovered that I am fiercely industrious, brilliant, and adventurous. Thankfully, to God, I have also discovered a home away from home, my work that is embedded in my heart forever that recharges me.
I needed to experience the heartbreak in order to know the layers of myself that needed working on. I learnt to stop giving my power away, I learnt to value myself and most importantly, love myself. If you are hurting right now from heartbreak, know that it is temporary. Time heals all wounds. Your heart will heal. You will grow into a more beautiful and vibrant person.
“There will be a time when you are forced to follow your heart away from someone you love”- Ashley Lorenzana.
