I have a very funny relationship with Love. I believe in it, admire its beauty, but I’m mostly annoyed by it, regardless. Or was that was how I was? I dunno.
I once had a small argument with a friend (since we all apply that term loosely these days). Some dude said you can let someone go even if you love them, especially when you’ve still got a fair share of demons to deal with. I agreed. My friend disagreed. My explanation was that there’s an ideal and then there’s the reality where 1+1 isn’t always equal to 2.
It was easy to agree with the dude because I let someone I loved go once – heck, more than once but a particular occasion stands out. Looking back, I’ve got no regrets even if she still abuses me from time to time for chickening out.
Chickening… Not sure this is a good term to use this season.
What it also made me realise was that once you love someone, it doesn’t necessarily degenerate into hatred even if it doesn’t work out. Most times, one person is just mad at the other person for messing things up.
That’s by the way sha.
I don’t know if this is a weird way of looking at love. I’m one person who doesn’t like taking what I say back so imagine if you say you love someone today and you’re gone tomorrow. Does it still make sense?
I used to think it doesn’t, but now I think it does make a lot of sense.
Mostly we associate love with permanence due to our human need to always control outcomes, but what can we really control? Not a lot. And when we realise this, there’s a tendency to give up altogether because the flipside of such a belief is that it’s an illusion. And when we think it’s an illusion, we’re not eager to say how we feel about people for one messed up reason or the other.
But it’s not an illusion. When you honestly love someone, you love them. Period.
I’ve once been told that I was loved by someone, and I was quick to dismiss it. I wondered what I’d done to deserve it and couldn’t figure it out. Let’s just say that my response was… meh. I was like, “Nne, what kind of love is that; are you, Jesus?”
But as we kept talking, I was made to realise that it had very little to do with me and all to do with that person and how they feel. Love isn’t always mutual. It’s beautiful when it is, but when it isn’t, does that make the love any less valid? Nope.
And with this realisation, I ended up telling someone I loved that I did, after almost ruining it by not saying anything because I was too worried about a future I had no control over. Because I wanted to be sure I did. I was making my concerns over what I couldn’t see, damage what I had at that moment. We’re quick to say that we should also live in the now, but we hardly do, especially in Nigeria where the government has messed even the present up.
But we can make the most of it. That person might not be there tomorrow – not necessarily due to death, but circumstances. So when you get a chance to be happy and tell people they are loved, just say it. Even if shit happens, if their head is correct, they’ll remember that they’re loved.
Because what you do now is sometimes the most important thing you’ll ever do.
