Humans are inherently inquisitive. I mean whose idea was it to decide that bitter leaves are a great addition to soups? As technology becomes more intuitive, it continues to become an extension of who we are as humans especially as it answers our need for immediacy.
Before the advent of the web, only parents and close friends used to be privy to those random questions that make you wonder what and how you came about them, but thanks to the internet, we now latch on to technology as the be-all, know all the answers to our questions.
The days of reading through encyclopedias and world records are over (for most people). Now you have everything at the tip of your fingers, including the silly stuff. It made me wonder what it would be like to be a search engine providing answers and comments on the funny, strange and sometimes cute questions people continue to type into search engines. I’m sure you will find something you’ve typed in there.
If I took the job of a search engine for a day, I assume this is what my report for the weirdest questions will look like:
Do cockerels crow when they feel like it?
I admit, this is a very interesting question because what inspires cocks to crow at the time, they do without any concept of time whatsoever? Okay I know they can see the sun rising, but why. What influences the decision to say, “yes, this is the perfect time to belt out my lungs?” Is it even a decision? Is it a reflex action? Do they just miss human activity? Okay I’m sorry I have more questions than answers here.
Why is your face on your head?
Lol. Where else is the face supposed to be? I know you can come up with many answers for that but please, don’t.
What is the length of spaghetti?
I assume it is so that you can find, or maybe even create one that can span the entire length from your mouth to your stomach. Didn’t they teach you not to play with your food?
How can I grow taller?
Eat beans. All our parents told us this. But if you are past 21, I hate to break it to you, but have you heard of self-acceptance?
Can helicopters fly upside down?
Wow. Somebody did it. The most unprecedented question of all time.
Why do we yawn when someone else does?
Picture this: you’re in a stadium full of people and just then, one person yawns, and the next, and the next until the whole stadium is a collage of people yawning. Just like the wave is done to show collective excitement, the yawn is contagious so that we can show collective boredom.
Who let the dogs out?
The man that saw PHCN officials coming to cut his light.
What percentage of people have seen a ghost?
What bothers me about this question is this: how do you differentiate between a ghost and an angel? If you count angels, then you have a lot of testimonials from just Nigeria alone.
Are jokes meant to be funny?
You will never know they are supposed to be if you only watched the average Nigerian comedian.
Where are my keys?
They are right where you left them. If I tell you to invite me to eat so that I can have the strength to look for your keys, you will refuse.
How does a giraffe clean its ears?
I assume by walking up to a tree branch and asking, “can you do me a favour?”
Can money buy love?
How come I never see love in the market to buy in the first place? Is there a special place you people are going? Please direct me!
How can I make a time machine?
It already exists as the washing machine, but you refused to enter inside. That is why clothes shrink after being in them.
Why can’t I sleep in the night?
There is no sleep for the wicked.
Why am I still single?
Is this a trick question?
Why am I always hungry?
The good thing to say (if you are not pregnant) would be to cut down on sugars and incorporate healthy eating habits. But everyone has already told you that. So, what I will just say is to follow your mates to eat amala in the morning.
When will I die?
I mean, it’s great to have a heads-up so that you can plan your life and everything but take some risks in your life.
Google, will you marry me?
I didn’t know how to feel about the fact that people have been asking Google to marry them. So, I went a step further and found out that the reason is because Google responds to people immediately. So please, stop leaving your loved ones on “read.”
What’s a Boyfriend and Where Can I Download One?
I am also waiting for the answer to this one.
What is the Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything?
All the time spent searching for the right answer to this question and the simple answer has been there all along. It is “42”. Google it. It’s right there.
Why do Nigerian lawyers wear wigs?
I confess. I was the person who typed this into Google Search. Can we add afro and cornrow wigs to the collection?
