By Adeoye Falade
What have I gotten myself into this time?
My thoughts trailed off as the motorcycle I sat on missed a car by sheer luck; not more than two inches. It was like that heart-stopping moment when you pull off the ‘near miss’ stunt in the game Need for Speed, only that this was not exhilarating. (Video games can be deceptive.)
I was freaking scared, angry and everything in-between. The fact that my bones weren’t yet broken, or I that I wasn’t sprawled on the floor, surrounded by wailing women and arguing men was a mystery.
A few hours earlier, I had gone to make a transaction at the Skye Bank branch in Ogba. There was a new traffic law in Lagos and a ban on commercial motorcycles at the time, so I had to get a keke ride from where I was to Omole Phase 1.
No biggie, right?
Unfortunately, I wanted to get some groceries at Oasis bakery on WEMPCO road, so again, a bike was the perfect means of transport.
I took the gamble and settled for a tricycle which cost three times the amount because I had to pay for the remaining seats and we were going off the normal route. So, you see, after the tricycle incidence, I decided to avoid traffic on my way home.
Turns out that was my biggest mistake of the day.
Fast-forward to almost being hit by a car. I was almost thrown off when the okada rider sped over a speed bump like he was executing a stunt with a mountain bike.
“Oga easy now,” I said, and he apologised. And with that apology came the strong smell of alcohol, made possible by the wind blowing towards me.
I almost freaked out. Drunk driving had taken its toll on some people I know, and I wasn’t about to join them because of one drunk cyclist. Still, I calmed down and hoped that I would make it home in one piece. I tried appealing to his better self, hoping to get him to be a bit more careful.
Big mistake.
“Oga, when I said you should take me home, I meant the earthly one o. Why are you riding like you want to drop me off in Heaven?” I gently reprimanded him.
“Bros, home na home o,” he joked.
That was when I finally realised I was in trouble.
Not too long after, he recklessly rounded a bend and we almost had another accident. It began to feel like I was paying the dude to get me killed. I was so annoyed that I landed the rider a knock that would have made my primary school headmaster proud.
Hell was let loose – we screamed, argued, traded insults and the bike became a drama series on wheels. People stopped to look at two men, rider and ‘ridee’ shouting at the top of their voices. I threatened not to pay, he threatened to beat me up and I threatened to strangle him from where I sat. He stopped, and we argued some more, people came to watch and settle the issue after we screamed ourselves hoarse.
Thankfully, I got home safely, and I couldn’t believe I went through all that madness in the space of fifteen minutes.
As I walked through the door, my family asked how my day was and I simply said,
“When I buy a car, I’ll tell you how it went”
