Marriage Counselling: Thrill Your Spouse with Romantic Tunes

By Uche Amah

In the last couple of weeks, Heirs Place has been hit with a wave of romance.  Our ladies are either marrying, getting engaged or, as I hear from the grapevine, already into advanced relationships.

I found this development intriguing, given that at some point, it seemed our female colleagues (and the guys too) were so deeply engrossed in their jobs that their social side had taken the back seat.  For an old school like me, it was odd, especially as without doubt, we boast of a bevy of the prettiest ladies!

Happily, the welcome change portends they will almost certainly be headed to the altar to say, “I do”.  And this brings me to the purpose of this article.  What makes a happy marriage?

At every opportunity when I have had to share ideas and experiences with new couples, I quickly allay their fears about their perceived uncertainties in matrimony.  With all humility, I have been in this marriage institution for close on thirty years (not a long time, of course), but they have been thirty years of joy and happiness.

The Happily Ever After List

So, how were we able to come this far?  From experience, here are the types of things that go into the making of a happy marriage:

• Respect between the partners
• Each person cherishes the other
• Each finds pleasure and comfort in the other’s company
• Emotional support of each other
• Mutually satisfying physical intimacy
• Expression of appreciation between the partners
• A feeling of safety, friendship, and trust
• A feeling that the spouse is central to his or her world
• An admiration of positive qualities such as honesty, generosity, decency, loyalty, and fairness
• A strong sense of morality
• The conviction that each person is worthy of being loved
• A sense of reality, in that there are some problems but that they are surmountable
• A view that each partner is special in some important regard
• A sense that the marriage enhances each partner
• A sense that the success of the marriage is attributable to both partners
• An ability to express both positive and negative emotions
• A shared view that the marriage takes constant attention and work
• Constant communication between the couple
• And above all else, putting God first in all things in their lives.

While I say that it takes a commitment from both people, please recognise that at any point in time, the task of keeping the relationship together may fall more to one person than the other. At the time, it may seem unfair. But that’s the way relationships are.

The task of keeping the relationship together may fall more to one person than the other

Sometimes one of the partners goes through a period of intense personal challenge, severely hampering his or her ability to contribute to the marriage. During these times, if the marriage is to survive, it’s up to the other partner to keep the relationship together.

Who Should We Blame?

These are what constitute dangerous times in a relationship – dangerous in the sense that one person can come to feel so overburdened that he or she decides to end the relationship. Even the person facing personal challenges may decide he or she would be better off if the marriage ended. Some even come to believe the partner is the cause of the problems, as is common in our part of the world.

If marriages are to survive long enough to cultivate the wonderful characteristics listed earlier, then both partners must agree to stick with the marriage until challenges can be met and overcome. Also, in these times of great strife, the one factor that may save a marriage from dissolution is active participation in the Christian faith. Doing so will not only provide avenues of encouragement for the couple to stay together but will provide the sustaining power of prayers from the Christian community.

I think it is prudent here to sound a note of warning. In times of friction, couples often quit going to church and cease all activities that are necessary to sustain their faith in God. Often, this happens out of disappointment and sometimes out of depression. Whatever the reason for doing so, nothing could be worse. Having faith and a strong trust in God can make the difference between being able to keep a marriage together during times of trouble and ending up in divorce court. While it may take energy and courage that seemingly is unavailable, digging down deep to sustain your faith will, in the end, pay off a hundredfold.

Build for the long run

And the payoff comes in the long run when surviving the rough times eventually strengthens the marriage and your faith. Once overcome, the problems may well become a source of strength to the marriage and to your faith.

In summary, your marriage can become one of great satisfaction and enduring love. But it will take lots of work and a commitment to stay in the marriage even through the rough times.

Now, I leave you with the lyrics of this song by Kenny Rogers which I sing to my wife on all our wedding anniversaries. (Please, don’t imagine I can’t sing; even at this very advanced age, I am romantic enough to thrill my spouse with some passionate tunes!).  I have come to believe that this is the essence of marriage.

I hope you are inspired.

Through the Years

Kenny Rogers

I can’t remember when you weren’t there
When I didn’t care for anyone but you
I swear we’ve been through everything there is
Can’t imagine anything we’ve missed
Can’t imagine anything the two of us can’t do

Through the years
You’ve never let me down
You turned my life around
The sweetest days I’ve found
I’ve found with you
Through the years
I’ve never been afraid
I’ve loved the life we’ve made
And I’m so glad I’ve stayed
Right here with you
Through the years

I can’t remember what I used to do
Who I trusted whom, I listened to before
I swear you’ve taught me everything I know
Can’t imagine needing someone so
But through the years it seems to me
I need you more and more

Through the years
Through all the good and bad
I knew how much we had
I’ve always been so glad
To be with you
Through the years
It’s better every day

You’ve kissed my tears away…….
I’ll stay with you
Through the years

Through the years
When everything went wrong
Together we were strong
I know that I belonged
Right here with you
Through the years
I never had a doubt
We’d always work things out
I’ve learned what love’s about
By loving you
Through the years