This ONE Thing She Left Behind Means the World to Me…

By Moyo Awotile

Growing up, I used to think my grandmother was my real mom, and the beautiful woman who lived with us, going by the alias ‘mommy’, was a wicked guardian. I mean, I used to get spanked for everything! You break a plate *spank*, you steal meat *spank*, you get injured *spank*, but my grandmother was always there to intercede for me. She was my best friend, my confidant, prayer warrior and I loved her so much.

Years later, having lost her husband, advanced in years and was living all alone, she began to lose track of things as early stages of Alzheimer’s set in and her movements slowed down considerably. In 2009, we received a call from a worried neighbour about not seeing her in 2 days. My mom, not in the country at the time, panicked and instructed that her house be broken into. My grandmother was found at the bottom of the staircase, where she had been lying for 2 days, with a broken hip. She was rushed to the hospital where she was diagnosed with Arrhythmia. We were distraught. Upon discharge from the hospital, we moved her to our house, where she lived till 2016.

December 2014, my grandmother stopped talking, walking, or eating; she became a baby. This amazing super woman who had done so much for her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren could not do anything for herself. We could see the pain and shame in her eyes every time we had to do the most mundane tasks for her, but we did it with love. Her condition slowly deteriorated until January 2016 and then it accelerated. She was in and out of the hospital for months, she had to be fed through a pipe in her nose, her teeth had dug into her gums from being mute for so long and her mouth was completely shut. Her body kept rejecting all medications and she could not breathe unassisted. It was the most traumatic period of our lives. We wanted her to find peace but how were we supposed to live without her?

Sparing the gory details (e.g. the hole that had to be created in her stomach to attach a feeding tube, the deep bed sores that were as a result of poor handling at the hospital, having to cut her leg open to find a vein that hadn’t collapsed), we brought her back home and decided we could take care of her better. On the 24^th of April 2016, my mom and I were feeding my grandmother, as we had finally managed to pry her teeth open and could now spoon feed her gruel and other foods of the same consistency. After the 4^th spoon, my grandmother stretched her jaw, it looked to us like she was yawning. This was strange, because she hadn’t opened her mouth this wide in a while and so we smiled thinking she was making some progress but it was not to be so. After she exhaled, she closed her mouth and then her eyes.

Grams was gone.

She was never going to open her eyes and smile at me again, she was never going to take my side when my mom and I quarrel again, she was never going to listen to my problems and reassure me with prayers again, she left without even recognizing who I was.

My mom was shattered, I was too, but someone had to be strong. I stretched out her limbs, carried her body to my car and waited for my mom to pull herself together and join me. I couldn’t have anyone else touch her and I almost fought with the morgue assistants when they tried to carry her body. That was my grams, my mom, my best friend, nobody was allowed to mishandle her!

Months later, having left her room the way it was since the night she passed, her relatives called on us to share her belongings but we were reluctant to disturb the room. On Christmas eve of 2016, we finally had the courage to go through her things. We knew we had to part with everything but that was when I saw her ring.

For as long as I can remember, my grandmother has always worn this ring and I could not let anyone else have it. It was a relic of my grandmother and wearing it makes me feel like she is with me.

It has become the item that means the world to me!